Confused. I am really really confused.
I have gotten to the point that I was at two years ago. I feel very much for Sean. I feel very deeply for Sean. But its gotten to the part where I need committment and I don't want to give it. But I am going to get off my lazy ass and stay with him. I care for him deeply. I don't want to hurt him again. And I can't.
Tomorrow is Student Council District Convention. I cannot wait. A whole day away from school and Melinda. Melinda and I hung out all night so far. I came home and had to stay home.
Tomorrow I have to work. I work everyday with Brett. What fun.
I've been a bad girl. I am thinking wrong. I think I love Sean. I shouldn't even be questioning what is going on in my heart. Sean and I are perfect right now. Randi, Sheena, Jenna, and Melinda all said that for the past two weeks I have been happier than ever before me and Sean. Brett's noticed also. It is funny. Because I don't feel it.
I wore shorts outside today. White major. But you know what, I shaved and have AWESOME muscle definition. Who cares if I am white. I am not tanning for prom. F that. I would rather be the only white girl at prom. Speaking of that I need a date. I don't think that Sean wants to go so if anyone from here is reading and have the person that might want to go with me, let me know.
I think that I am going to get off of here. Here are some lyrics from Fiona Apple that I am feeling right now.
"I've been a bad bad girl
I've been careless with a delicate man
And it's a sad sad world
When a girl will break a boy
Just because she can
Don't you tell me to deny it
I've done wrong and I want to
Suffer for my sins
I've come to you 'cause I need
Guidance to be true
And I just don't know where I can begin
What I need is a good defense
'Cause I'm feelin' like a criminal
And I need to be redeemed
To the one I've sinned against
Because he's all I ever knew of love
Heaven help me for the way I am
Save me from these evil deeds
Before I get them done
I know tomorrow brings the consequence
At hand
But I keep livin' this day like
The next will never come
Oh help me but don't tell me
To deny it
I've got to cleanse myself
Of all these lies till I'm good
Enough for him
I've got a lot to lose and I'm
Bettin' high
So I'm beggin' you before it ends
Just tell me where to begin
What I need is a good defense
'Cause I'm feelin' like a criminal
And I need to be redeemed
To the one I've sinned against
Because he's all I ever knew of love
Let me know the way
Before there's hell to pay
Give me room to lay the law and let me go
I've got to make a play
To make my lover stay
So what would an angel say
The devil wants to know
What I need is a good defense
'Cause I'm feelin' like a criminal
And I need to be redeemed
To the one I've sinned against
Because he's all I ever knew of love
What I need is a good defense
'Cause I'm feelin' like a criminal
And I need to be redeemed
To the one I've sinned against
Because he's all I ever knew of love "
